Love for elephants, crafts, science, quotes, travel.
Growing, changing, adapting.
I’m finding that I’m feeling restless, not in the sense that I’m unhappy with my life and the direction I’m taking it, more in that I want things to move along faster. I want the GREs to be done, application to grad school submitted, and for the next stage to start falling into place.
I love my city, my friends, the familiarity of it all. I love how comfortable and welcome I feel, how I can always find someone to talk to and have new adventures with right here. I also love how easy those same things have been to find on my travels, which has been a huge factor in opening me up to thoughts and plans on leaving Buffalo.
It’s easy to be ok when I’m not home, when I’m distracted by drinks and trivia and news about storms a-brewing. But it’s most difficult at night when I turn out the light and hear nothing but the wind and the rain outside my window and the beating of my own irregular heart. That’s when I wrap the blankets tighter, breathe a little deeper, and try to fall into the blackness of my dark cocoon.
In 2 months I will be 24. I’m not where I thought I would be at 24… I don’t know how I got away from my plan, not even a plan really but my motivation to keep going. I feel like I’m standing in stagnant water. You know, that water that gets a weird smell because it’s been standing still for so long that everything lands on the surface and sticks and the mosquitoes lay their eggs so along with the weird smell is that pervasive buzzing that you can’t seem to get away from. That. I need a plot twist, a drop off a cliff, something to get the current flowing, the water bubbling. I want to be fresh and crisp and cool and moving pebbles with my force. I want to feel the life I give to roots that yearn towards me. I want to be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
November 8, 2010
November 10, 2010
November 12, 2010
November 12, 2010
Emailed to me, sometime in high school, by a boy that lives across an ocean.
Put lights up around my bed.
Tidying my room.
Listening to Ellie Goulding.
It’s a good day.
Got muh new carrr yesterday! Just a few last minute things to take care of with it today and I will be all set!
New(er) car tomorrow (probably)!
I’m so freaking excited you guys.
SO. EXCITED. !!!!!!!!!!!!
Kiki the kiwi-colored Ford Focus will be mine, all mine!
So since I’m on a restricted budget this year, for the holidays I’m really trying to plan ahead. Gottaa start on my crafting plans within the next 2 weeks, buy 1-2 gifts a week. That means I’ve gotta plan out what I’m gettingn everybody… Strangely, I’m finding it most difficult to think of what to get my brother and my dad! I hope inspiration hits… And SOON!
Just had to get that out there. Carry on.
17 year old me was so lucky. I’m so happy that I wrote so much and included so many details. I’m tearing up reading it though. I miss it. I was there for only 12 days, but I got so attached to that country, the food, the people, the sights, the temples and shrines…
When can I go back??
You ever look back on your life and reevaluate how you reacted to certain events? Think to yourself all the times you wish you’d been more calm and collected, or reached out and put a hand on a shoulder, or just held someone and let them unfold before you, or just bit your lip and stayed quiet instead of spewing words that you didn’t mean just to fill the silence. I think I’m growing. I think I’m becoming more aware of myself.
BUT NO!! Why is my throat starting to hurt?!
This is not good. Not good at all.
I even drank tea to soothe it…
Sometimes I pretend to be really confident, but most of the time I’m actually hugely insecure. My skin has always been an issue for me; never clear, never smooth, never easy. I’ve got oily spots and dry spots right next to each other and a single product only makes one part worse if it helps the other.
A few months ago I finally got sick of wearing make-up that only seemed to make things worse. All I wear now is mascara. It seemed to help at first, less pore-clogging crap, but now I’ve reached a point where it’s not making a difference. I’ve still got redness and bumps and oily patches and dry spots. I’ve used Proactiv since I was 16 but it just doesn’t seem to be doing as much good as it used to.
Today I took a big step. I went to Lush and talked with a girl about my skin. She let me try out a few products, all of them hand-made and using all ingredients you would find in nature, no chemicals. Natural oils that are found in my skin to help subdue the oily spots and remoisturize the dry spots; one product doing good for my whole face. No harsh, harmfull chemicals. The toner from my 3-step Proactiv actually has bleach in it!
I hope I see results. I just want to be happy with my skin for once. I want to not wear make-up and not worry about redness or bumps. I want to be comfortable and not feel like people are staring at my skin.